open letter to starbucks

Dear Starbucks:

I have a problem. I need my coffee drinks, but I don't want to shell out an Abe Lincoln every visit. Could we negotiate your fees a bit? Make them more practical for the cash-challenged, perhaps? I'll even play the 'bad economy please help us working class peeps' card on this one. I just want my cup of ice with espresso and skim milk. I don't even get all the fancy stuff like the whip, flavored syrup or sprinkles. I don't want to make my own nonfat venti iced lattes at home. I want to have it made by a smiley barista. I would then like to sit and enjoy music of the easy listening genre, read my book, play the occasional game of Candyland and possibly pull out the MacBook, like the pretentious poser I sometimes am. I don't have an espresso machine, and I can't imagine that I'll be getting one anytime soon. I also wouldn't want to worry about the hot espresso/cold ice logistics that would pester me at home, and I don't have time to sit around and wait for coffee to cool. I could be a responsible coffee drinker and pre-brew regular coffee and chill it in my fridge...but lets face it Starbucks, that's just not going to happen. I want to walk in and exchange you $2 for a refreshing coffee beverage. This new price should cover the cost of what it takes to make my drink, plus profit. Why don't I get a nice cheapo plain cup of coffee you ask? I enjoy those too, but you see, I live in the Deep South and it's very warm down here you know, so a lot of the time I like my pick-me-up over ice. If you would consider this meager price change, I will take the $3 I'd save and use it for good. Together, Starbucks, we could change the world.

Sincerely,
Leslie